In an eye-opening conversation with SELF magazine, the TikTok sensation shared her experience undergoing bariatric surgery, specifically a single anastomosis duodenal-ileal bypass with sleeve gastrectomy. She provided a candid account of the “brutal” process and the “horrible” recovery period that followed, highlighting the physical and emotional toll it took on her.

Bader, who initially built her popularity as a plus-size influencer showcasing her “realistic” outfit hauls, recounted the pivotal moments leading up to her decision for surgery. She reflected on her long-standing battle with binge eating disorder, her ongoing struggles to lose weight, and the profound impact these issues had on her mental health, including episodes of depression.

“I have adored being curvy my entire life; it was an integral part of my identity,” the 30-year-old internet personality expressed. She acknowledged that as her health issues escalated, it evolved into a “battle” for her, reflecting the internal conflict many face regarding body image and health.

“I will always believe that you can be a larger size and still be healthy and happy. I experienced that for a while, and it wasn’t a lie,” Bader stated. “However, there came a point where everything shifted, and I found myself genuinely unhappy.”

Throughout her interview, Bader elaborated on the various weight loss treatments she attempted leading up to her surgery—some of which she had previously shared with her followers, emphasizing the ongoing search for solutions that many individuals with similar struggles face.

As detailed in SELF, Bader experimented with multiple weight loss medications, including Rybelus, an oral semaglutide medication, and Ozempic, which she previously revealed made her ill, illustrating the varied responses individuals have to these treatments.

“It’s a different experience for everyone, [but] for me, I was throwing up every single day because of it,” she shared with SELF, highlighting the often unseen side effects of popular weight loss medications.

Other medications she tried included: Contrave, an oral weight loss medication, Wellbutrin, an NDRI antidepressant, and Mounjaro — also known as tirzepatide — an antidiabetic drug similar to Ozempic, which is also used for its weight loss benefits, showcasing the myriad options individuals consider in their weight loss journeys.

Bader disclosed that she began using Mounjaro “very secretly” in September 2022, just months after undergoing a six-week outpatient eating disorder treatment program the previous May, admitting that she found herself binging again “almost immediately” after starting the medication, highlighting the complex interplay of mental health and weight loss strategies.

She recounted to SELF that she remembered thinking at that time that trying Mounjaro was the “worst thing I could possibly be doing,” emphasizing the internal struggle many go through when battling eating disorders and weight management.

“I just talked about how I went to therapy… No one could ever know about this,” she remembered, revealing the stigma often surrounding mental health and weight loss discussions.

Similar to Ozempic, the Mounjaro injections made her vomit. Despite this, Bader mentioned that her doctor encouraged her to try Ozempic again — this time in combination with Metformin, another antidiabetic medication. She continued to experience nausea and ultimately stopped all medications, before giving Vyvanse — a medication used to treat ADHD and binge eating disorder — a try in June 2023, but like all previous treatments, it did not yield successful results.

At this juncture, Bader explained that her battle with binge eating worsened, which adversely affected her health, leading to severe back pain that left her bedridden, excessive sweating, sleep apnea, and various health concerns that emerged through lab work, including high cholesterol, heart issues, and fatty liver disease. She shared that her doctor had informed her she was “becoming infertile” after experiencing regular menstrual cycles, stating to SELF that this health concern “scared me more than anything else,” illustrating the profound anxiety many face regarding fertility and health.

Bader expressed her internal conflict about deciding what steps to take to feel better. “I think it’s a constant battle of: What do I do that’s right? What do I do for everyone else? What do I do for myself? It genuinely felt like it was driving me insane,” she recalled, capturing the complexity of self-care amidst overwhelming pressures.

After consulting with bariatric surgeons in New York City, Bader made the decision to undergo weight loss surgery, ultimately opting for a single anastomosis duodenal-ileal bypass with sleeve gastrectomy (SADI-S) based on her doctor’s recommendation, highlighting the importance of professional guidance in such pivotal health decisions.

She informed her boyfriend at the time and her parents about her decision, and the surgery took place in December 2023. Bader initially believed the surgery would result in a quick recovery, but the reality proved to be the opposite.

“I have to say that it was probably the most brutal experience,” she told SELF. “I had the surgery, and I was in recovery for hours upon hours, throwing up continuously. It was far from normal. I was supposed to leave [the hospital] in one day, but I couldn’t stop projectile vomiting, and I couldn’t even drink water. They won’t discharge you if you can’t drink water. I can’t express how horrible it was.”

While a physician informed SELF that the procedure typically involves a two to three-week recovery period, Bader shared that she was “not f–king okay” from her surgery until mid-February 2023, emphasizing the unpredictable nature of surgical recovery.

“I had fallen into a very deep depression, and it was truly the scariest time of my life,” she reflected. “I couldn’t confide in anyone. Honestly — I wanted to die,” conveying the profound emotional struggles many experience post-surgery.

After her doctor adjusted her antidepressant dosage, she began to feel better, although she and her boyfriend eventually ended their relationship.

Now, reflecting back over two years later, a healthier and happier Bader noted that her progress “happened very subtly.” She continues to take antidepressants, attends therapy regularly, and exercises frequently, highlighting the ongoing journey of mental and physical health.

“My binge eating is better,” Bader stated. “I’m still struggling, and I have those thoughts, but I can’t physically binge as much because I don’t have the capacity for it,” reflecting the complex relationship between surgery, mental health, and eating behaviors.

She noted that another side effect of the surgery is that she often feels nauseous and may even vomit if she overeats. Bader also mentioned experiencing hair loss, illustrating the unexpected impacts of significant weight loss procedures.

While she feels much “happier overall” and has alleviated some of the health issues she previously faced, such as back pain, she continues to feel uncomfortable about her weight loss — particularly due to the rapid pace at which she lost the weight, highlighting the emotional complexities of body image after significant transformation.

“I never thought it would happen this quickly,” Bader admitted. “I never wanted to be this size… I’m probably the only person who has ever gone to a doctor for weight loss to say, ‘Okay, but can I still be curvy?’ It’s genuinely confusing to find yourself in a different body so quickly while having the same mindset,” revealing the psychological challenges accompanying physical changes.

“I’m still uncomfortable. I’ve never looked like this. I’ve never felt this way. I’ve never been this size,” she elaborated. “So when people comment now, ‘Tiny, skinny. Oh my God, your legs, your arms, this, this,’ it’s truly triggering for me. It feels like people assume that achieving this body is all it took to be happy… It’s simply not true,” she expressed, emphasizing the disconnect between appearance and emotional well-being.

Although Bader may appear different now, she emphasized that her commitment to being a size-inclusion advocate remains unwavering, demonstrating her dedication to body positivity across all sizes.

“I find it interesting how the world is treating me,” she told SELF. “I still want to fight for inclusivity and all these things, but I feel like I’m not allowed to. People think, ‘Well, you don’t relate to us anymore.’ And I’m like, why is that fair? I genuinely feel like I’ve been in so many different bodies and situations, why can’t I still be the one advocating?”

If you or someone you know is in need of mental health support, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to connect with a certified crisis counselor.

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or has had thoughts of self-harm or suicide, seek help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) offers 24/7, free, confidential support for individuals in distress.

If you or someone you know is battling an eating disorder, please reach out for help. Contact the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) at 1-800-931-2237 or visit NationalEatingDisorders.org.