Originally scheduled for mid-January, the Critics Choice Awards were rescheduled to a Friday night due to the devastating wildfires in Los Angeles. At the opening of the event, Handler stood in front of a group of brave first responders, expressing heartfelt gratitude for their dedication and service. This sincere moment prompted a standing ovation from the audience, showcasing the collective appreciation for those who risk their lives to protect others, setting a respectful tone for the evening ahead.

Following a powerful video montage that showcased the best in film and television over the past year, Handler took to the stage for her opening monologue. Her witty and relatable style captivated the audience, setting the stage for an entertaining evening filled with laughter and camaraderie. By highlighting the achievements of the past year, Handler seamlessly blended humor with heartfelt recognition, making it a night to remember.

?I?m your DEI host, Chelsea Handler. I want to acknowledge that we have been through a lot recently ? our whole nation, waking up day after day, not knowing what news we?re going to hear that may disappoint and horrify us,? she began her monologue. Handler emphasized the importance of finding distractions during tough times, reminding the audience that laughter can be a powerful tool for coping with the challenges that life presents.

?This is why I want to personally extend my gratitude to Justin Baldoni and Blake Lively. I?m grateful, I think we?re all grateful, and I think we?re good,? she continued, eliciting laughter from the audience. Handler?s humor not only made the audience laugh but also highlighted the camaraderie among celebrities, illustrating how they can support each other amidst the chaos of their public lives.

?I think everyone in this room, regardless of whose side you?re on, can agree to accept that there?s probably not going to be a sequel. It ends with us, guys,? Handler humorously addressed the crowd, creating a shared moment of laughter that resonated throughout the room. This light-hearted jab at the unpredictability of Hollywood relationships added to the evening’s fun atmosphere.

Handler then humorously pointed out that this was her third time hosting the Critics Choice Awards, cheekily making the gig her ?second longest relationship.? This playful comment resonated with the audience, showcasing Handler’s unique ability to blend personal anecdotes with humor, creating a relatable and engaging atmosphere for everyone involved.

?My first being with the former head of this very network, shoutout to Ted Harbert ? that was back when it was still cool to sleep with your boss. Not so cool anymore,? Handler quipped, reflecting on her journey in the industry. She reminisced about her seven years with the network, making a humorous comparison to how far the entertainment industry has evolved since then, especially regarding women in late-night television.

?In 2025, the best way to have a late-night talk show as a woman is to have the creators of Hacks write a fictional story about it,? she deadpanned, before pointing to the bandage on her arm and joking, ?Turns out St. Dennis Medical isn?t a real hospital. But David Alan Grier does give one hell of a pap smear.? Handler?s comedic timing and relatable humor kept the audience engaged, showcasing her unique ability to tackle serious topics with a light-hearted approach.

Encouraging everyone to ?drink up? because ?these could be the end of times,? she celebrated the former child stars who found success this year, including Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, and Ariana Grande. This playful reminder of the cyclical nature of fame and success resonated with the audience, highlighting Handler’s knack for blending humor with insightful commentary on the entertainment industry.

?Now Ariana has even found love with a Munchkin!? she joked, although the audience’s reaction was not quite what she had anticipated. ?This is good news everybody!? she added, attempting to rally the crowd after the joke fell flat. This moment showcased Handler?s ability to navigate the unpredictability of live performances, maintaining her composure while keeping the atmosphere lighthearted.

After complimenting the talented women in the audience, including June Squibb, Demi Moore, and Pamela Anderson, Handler gave a special shoutout to Cynthia Erivo. She then humorously recalled her press tour experience with Grande, quipping, ?The two of all of them over one another. I remember the first time I did molly,? adding a comedic twist that left the audience in stitches.

Addressing nominee Ralph Fiennes, Handler remarked, ?You?ve played a ruthless Nazi, evil lord Voldemort, and now a celibate cardinal, and somehow made me want to have sex with you in all three roles.? Her bold statement elicited screams from the audience, emphasizing Handler’s knack for blending provocative humor with genuine admiration for the talent in the room.

?I?m not alone. You?ve made some really unsexy people very sexy. So I?m begging you, please, never play Vladimir Putin. I can?t do that again,? she humorously implored, eliciting laughter and applause from the crowd, showcasing her ability to tackle sensitive subjects with humor and grace.

After celebrating some of this year?s musical performances ? including Nicole Kidman hitting ?some notes I?ve never heard before? while pleasuring herself in Babygirl ? Handler discussed the ?movies for straight people,? or biopics, such as A Full Unknown, Maria, and Anora. She humorously quipped that the latter was ?about Melania Trump,? featuring Mikey Madison as a stripper/sex worker, showcasing her ability to intertwine humor with contemporary issues.

?That was a wild, wild trip. Russians and prostitutes, who would have ever connected those dots? Really nobody in this room,? Handler joked, eliciting laughter as she reflected on the bizarre connections in popular culture. Her sharp observations kept the audience engaged and entertained, highlighting her talent for comedic storytelling.

She then pointed to Abbott Elementary?s Janelle James, mentioning how ?incompetent? her school principal is on the sitcom. ?I?m surprised she hasn?t been tapped to run the real Department of Education!? Handler exclaimed, showcasing her keen observations on societal issues through the lens of humor.

Handler?s monologue began to wind down as she cited Colin Farrell?s four-hour transformation to become the titular mobster in The Penguin, joking, ?Now we know how long it takes to make Colin Farrell not f?kable ? but really I could still hit those flippers.? This cheeky comment left the audience in stitches, showcasing Handler’s ability to stay relevant and relatable.

She concluded with, ?On a less personal note, tonight is about all of you. Some of you will win, some of you will lose, and some of you will just be in the background wondering your life choices, like Cheryl Hines at a Senate confirmation hearing. So let?s get the show started!? This closing statement encapsulated the spirit of the evening, blending humor with recognition of the hard work and talent in the room.