The Criterion Collection playfully teased fans with the news of a Kindergarten Cop release, which was swiftly revealed to be an elaborate April Fool’s Day prank. This beloved film has captured the hearts of many, and while it was never truly destined for the prestigious Criterion label, the effort put into this joke was undeniably commendable.
“It’s not a tumor!” This iconic line from the film encapsulates the humor and charm of Kindergarten Cop, which has remained a nostalgic favorite since its release in 1990. The Criterion Collection’s prank was cleverly designed, as it created excitement among fans who fondly remember Ivan Reitman’s unique blend of comedy and action. Although the notion of this film becoming part of the Criterion catalog was a joke, it did not diminish the enthusiasm surrounding the faux announcement.
The attention to detail in the prank was evident, featuring an eye-catching cover art design that showcased Arnold Schwarzenegger in a whimsical drawing, complete with a playful coloring style reminiscent of children’s artwork. On the back of the imaginary box, viewers would find a cleverly crafted description that portrayed Kindergarten Cop as a film with much deeper themes than what audiences may have initially perceived. The write-up highlighted the film’s cultural significance, making it clear that this was not just a simple comedy.
“Historically, the policier and the family comedy were two distinct categories. Then, in 1990, Kindergarten Cop gave us all a lesson in genre revisionism. With muscular sensitivity, Hollywood’s last action hero Arnold Schwarzenegger embodies detective John Kimble, who is compelled to go undercover as a teacher of five-year-olds in order to catch a ponytailed drug dealer. Though it’s distinguished by pulse-pounding suspense, a Crayola-bright palette by cinematographer Michael Chapman (Taxi Driver), and trenchant observations about education in the Bush I era, the film’s emotional center is Schwarzenegger’s gruff yet good-tempered interaction with a class full of precocious scamps, including a tumor-forewarning death-obsessive and a genitalia expert. By leavening a children’s film with enough violence to please even the most cold-hearted bastard, director Ivan Reitman shows that he refuses to color inside the lines.”
But the fun didn’t end there. The Criterion prank also featured a wealth of special bonuses that would have accompanied the non-existent release of Kindergarten Cop. Among these imagined features was a 5.1 surround DTS-HD audio transfer, allowing fans to experience the film in immersive sound quality. Additional features included a mock commentary with then-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and excerpts from a fascinating French television interview with Ivan Reitman. There was even a fictional documentary featuring legendary detective Frank Serpico and renowned San Francisco police officer Dave Toschi, who was portrayed by Mark Ruffalo in the film Zodiac. This playful homage to the film’s legacy would have delighted fans if it were real.
In addition to these entertaining extras, the fictional release also included a humorous review from the iconic film critic James Agee, who passed away in 1955, highlighting the absurdity and creativity behind the prank. Although this was all in good fun, it’s worth noting that Kino Lorber did eventually release Kindergarten Cop on Blu-ray in 2024, albeit with far fewer special features than the Criterion gag promised. Fans were treated to only two audio commentaries and a trailer, missing out on the imaginative extras that had been dreamed up for the prank.
In a nostalgic nod to previous pranks, the Criterion Collection had also pulled a similar stunt in 2013 with their April Fool’s Day announcement of a release for the cult classic C.H.U.D.. As we look back on these clever marketing strategies, one can only hope that the Criterion Collection will revive the tradition of these amusing and inventive pranks in the future, bringing joy and laughter to fans of classic cinema.
