My wife devoted years to her education, culminating in a PhD, and has since made a significant impact on the lives of numerous individuals grappling with PTSD and various mental health challenges. In contrast, my high school days were spent skipping classes to immerse myself in vintage Rolling Stone magazines, which eventually led me to pen hundreds of articles focused on the iconic rock band, Kiss. Our musical preferences overlap in some areas, but they are distinctly different in others. After attending a Kiss concert together, I have largely refrained from pushing her opinions on the band, yet I’ve discovered that after a demanding day, nothing lifts her spirits more than viewing a captioned YouTube video featuring some of the more outrageous and risqué songs from the band’s makeup-free era in the 1980s and 1990s.

“This can’t be real! They didn’t genuinely say that, did they?” she exclaims, bursting into fits of laughter as she watches Gene Simmons make ludicrous comparisons between a woman’s body and unexpected items like a stick of butter, a glove, or even a fireplace. “You must have fabricated this, or someone else created it as a parody, right?” Her reaction is priceless and highlights the absurdity that often pervades Kiss’s lyrical content.

Here are the seven most ridiculous Kiss lyrics that my wife has humorously selected:

“Uh! All Night”
From: Asylum (1985)

Sample lyric: “Well we work all day / And we don’t know why / Well there’s just one thing that money can’t buy / When your body’s starved, feed your appetite / When you work all day you gotta Uh! all night.”

The repetitive “Uh!” in this song always gets her laughing uncontrollably. I’m not even sure she could handle watching the actual music video, which features a choreographed army of scantily clad dancers pushing around rolling beds adorned with flashing red lights. The absurdity of it all makes for a truly unforgettable experience.

 Read More: 10 Worst Kiss Songs

“Spit”
From: Revenge (1992)

Sample lyric: “Hot damn and lord above, I want a lotta woman with a lot of love / Well thin is in but it’s plain to see / It don’t mean spit to me / I need big hips, sweet lips / Make a man out of me / The bigger the cushion, the better the pushin’ – most definitely.”

I’ve attempted to persuade my wife that Kiss may actually be straddling the fine line between cleverness and absurdity in this instance. They appear to be embracing a humorous take on conventional beauty standards while openly and unapologetically referencing Spinal Tap’s iconic “Big Bottom.” However, she remains unconvinced, maintaining her stance that the lyrics are just plain ridiculous.

“(You Make Me) Rock Hard”
From: Smashes, Thrashes & Hits (1988)

Sample lyric: “You make me sweat, you turn me ’round / You get me up, you never let me down / You make rock hard, baby all night / Love’s like a glove and it fits just right.”

When my wife hears this track, she playfully suggests that Paul Stanley’s license to use similes should be revoked immediately. This song is one of only two new tracks on Kiss’s 1988 greatest hits compilation, and surprisingly, it has the least cringeworthy lyrics. Much like with “Uh! All Night,” I’m reserving a viewing of the trapeze-themed music video for a day when she really needs a good laugh.

“Fits Like a Glove”
From: Lick It Up (1983)

Sample lyric: “Cause when I go through her, it’s just like a hot knife through butter / Ooh yeah / Baby, baby, guess you win the prize / Maybe, baby, where the sun never shines.”

Her reaction? “Gross. Gross, gross, gross. Get away from me. Sit on the other sofa.” This response came even before she heard the live rendition, where Simmons stretches out the line with exaggerated grunts and dramatic pauses, amplifying the absurdity of the lyrics.

“Let’s Put the X in Sex”
From: Smashes, Thrashes & Hits (1988)

Sample lyric: “She said she knew my secrets / But I didn’t have a clue / Then I saw those black lace panties and I knew that it was you / Baby let’s put the X in sex / Love’s like a muscle and you make me want to flex.”

To be honest, my wife has never quite stopped laughing long enough to articulate her feelings about this song, which she likens to a Penthouse letter set to music. Her only comment was a quick quip suggesting, “So this is their attempt at a Robert Palmer video?”

“Burn Bitch Burn”
From: Animalize (1984)

Sample lyric: “Oh babe, I wanna put my log in your fireplace.”

Fifteen years ago, I accidentally touched my mother-in-law’s rear end, a tale I won’t delve into here, but it has become the running joke for which I am most frequently mocked during family gatherings. Since hearing this lyric—her all-time favorite from Kiss—my wife has been relentless with her laughter and snarky remarks whenever I approach any fireplace or fire pit, quipping, “Feeling horny, are we?”

“Just a Boy”
From: Music From ‘The Elder’ (1981)

Complete lyrics: “Who steers the ship through the stormy sea? / If hope is lost, then so are we / While some eyes search for one to guide us / Some are staring at me / But I’m no hero / Though I wish I could be / For I am just a boy / Too young to be sailing / I am just a boy / And my future’s unveiling / And I’m so frightened of failing / While some eyes search for one to guide us / Some are staring at me.”

Upon reflecting on this, she humorously rescinded her previous judgments, stating that they should stick to singing about sex and leave the deeper themes alone.

BONUS MOM VOTE: “I Just Wanna”
From: Revenge (1992)

Sample lyric: “I don’t want a romance, I just want to dance, I just want to for, I just want to for, I just want to forget you.”

During the summer after I graduated from college—a miracle in itself—my usually calm mother burst into my room, ready to obliterate my stereo due to this song. She mistakenly thought Paul Stanley was singing “I just want to f— at you.” After I explained how illogical that interpretation was, she pointed out that the majority of the music I enjoyed lacked a coherent narrative, but agreed to refrain from any property damage as long as she never had to hear that particular track again.