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What are your most effective strategies for maintaining a joyful and healthy marriage or partnership? In a previous discussion, our readers shared some insightful ideas. With Valentine?s Day right around the corner, it seems like the perfect moment to gather and highlight some of the best recommendations for couples looking to strengthen their bond.

We’ve delved into various facets of marriage, including financial dynamics, such as determining who manages the money, effective communication about finances with your partner, and deciding whether to merge your financial accounts. Additionally, we?ve explored ways to ignite the flame in your relationship, prioritized the well-being of both partners, and examined the significance of love languages. Our discussions have also included advice on initiating couples’ therapy and tips from divorce lawyers on crucial factors to consider before making significant decisions.

If you?re still in the hunt for love, our readers have shared their experiences on how they met their partners, alongside the best dating advice tailored for career-focused women. Furthermore, we have explored effective strategies for meeting new people amidst a busy lifestyle, with our expert Kat offering her insights on finding time to date even when schedules are packed.

Essential Strategies for a Happy Marriage: Insights from Our Readers!

To kick off this enriching discussion, here?s the essential question that sparked the conversation:

For those who have enjoyed a *happily* married life for many years, what specific actions or choices did you make in the early days that significantly contributed to your happiness? What daily decisions help maintain that happiness?

A reader shared her experience, explaining that she had been joyfully married for six months. However, both she and her partner came from backgrounds with “divorced parents who experienced very unhappy marriages.” Hence, she sought advice to ensure her relationship flourished.

Prioritize Genuine Affection and Friendship in Your Relationship?

One insightful reader emphasized the importance of liking your partner in addition to loving them:

It?s essential to like each other alongside being in love. Regularly invest in activities that strengthen your friendship, even if it?s something as simple as watching your favorite TV show together. Perhaps take a leisurely stroll after dinner. The essence is to seek each other as a sanctuary from the world and its pressures. After 21 years of marriage, I believe our happiness stems from maintaining our friendship, which eases the journey through life’s inevitable challenges.

Another reader noted that even after 18 years, her husband remains her favorite companion to converse with and share experiences. ?We genuinely love spending time together, whether it?s just hanging out or engaging in everyday activities. Our foundation as trusted best friends has seen us through tough times.?

Another reader echoed this sentiment, stating the significance of friendship in their relationship. ?I genuinely enjoy spending time with my husband. We cook together, go for walks, and share interesting articles. It may seem trivial to text a URL to him, but it enriches our dinner conversations and walks.?

One reader highlighted the necessity of fun in a marriage: ?There have been phases when our romance fluctuated, both physically and emotionally. However, I firmly believe that romance will return because the underlying humor and enjoyment in our relationship persist.?

Commit to Kindness and Respect in Your Relationship

This might seem like common sense, yet making a conscious choice to be kind is crucial. One reader humorously mentioned it might be ?contentious,? but she and her husband make it a point to express ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ daily. She also acknowledged that there would be challenging days when irritability arises, but strive to ensure these moments are exceptions rather than the rule.

Another reader agreed, emphasizing the importance of kindness:

Absolutely prioritize kindness! We also say please and thank you, and I believe it sets a positive example for our children. This lesson comes from my own parents. While their traditional marriage isn’t what I want for myself, their appreciation for each other’s contributions has always been evident, and it truly matters.

Another reader reiterated, ?Be kind and courteous. We always say please and thank you. We actively look for opportunities to do things that bring joy to one another.?

Gratitude plays a vital role in this dynamic! One reader shared, ?Be generous in expressing gratitude. I thank my husband even for tasks he?s expected to do, like washing the dishes on his designated night. I appreciate not having to do it myself!?

Another reader stressed the importance of showing respect towards your partner, stating, ?Never belittle or tease him in front of others. When friends complain about their husbands, refrain from joining in. It?s disrespectful to him and can lead you to focus on negative aspects.?

Practice Open and Honest Communication

Communication is vital! As one reader wisely advised: ?Always communicate openly. Don?t assume your partner can read your mind and then get upset when they don?t meet your expectations.?

Another reader added, ?Avoid letting frustration and anger build up. Resentment can be detrimental. If something bothers you, discuss it openly. Learn to argue constructively, focusing on problem-solving rather than being ‘right.’?

Another reader reiterated that spouses are not mind readers. ?Inform each other when you’re having a challenging day. Some mornings, you might wake up feeling off. Let your partner know what’s going on in your life.?

Disagreements can be tough for some couples. One reader cautioned, ?Be mindful of how you argue. Certain words and actions can?t be taken back, so tread carefully.?

Another reader suggested seeking therapy if needed. She shared how she and her husband benefitted from five successful sessions with a counselor who equipped them with effective communication tools to frame complaints constructively and manage disagreements without letting them interfere with family commitments.

Embrace Teamwork in Your Marriage

A number of readers stressed the importance of viewing each other as a team. As one reader expressed:

Make a conscious effort to use ?ours? instead of ?mine.? Our home, our decisions, our finances. If your partner makes a decision you disagree with, remember that to everyone outside, it remains ?our? decision, and you will support it as if it were your own. ?

Always approach conflicts as a united front. When facing disagreements about chores, remember that the issue is the task, not your partner, and work together to resolve it.

One reader humorously remarked, ?[m]y husband and I joke that it?s us against the kids, akin to border collies collaborating to herd sheep. We?ve also become quite adept at communicating silently through our eyes.?

Maintain Your Individuality Within the Partnership

Readers concurred that while it?s crucial to enjoy your spouse?s company, it?s equally important to find a balance between shared experiences and individual pursuits. This balance is essential for both being a team and remaining true to oneself.

One reader reflected on her 15-year marriage, stating, ?We?re both at our happiest when we engage in individual hobbies, alongside activities we enjoy together as a family. The tough times often arise when I feel like I?ve lost my identity by giving too much to external obligations, including my family.?

Another reader expanded on this, urging couples to show genuine interest in each other’s individual passions and support each other’s endeavors. She remarked, ?I believe no relationship can thrive if partners are together all the time.?

Another reader noted that maintaining friendships outside the marriage can be challenging, particularly in midlife. Thus, she and her husband have adopted a ?default to yes? approach when the other receives invitations to fun events. They prioritize each other’s social opportunities, whether it?s a weekend getaway or a casual night out, and encourage each other to pursue fitness goals as well.

Honor Your Differences and Unique Needs

One reader pointed out that as marriages progress, it becomes evident that partners may have different needs, such as being an extrovert versus an introvert, or having varying love languages. Open discussions about these differences in a neutral manner are essential. For instance, she suggested saying something like, ?I love you, but I?m feeling drained and need some time alone tonight. It?s not about you; I just need to recharge.? This approach avoids misunderstandings and prevents unnecessary conflicts.

Another perspective emphasizes respecting each other’s individual styles: ?When it comes to household management or parenting, it?s crucial to establish roles, even if your partner approaches tasks differently than you would. It?s best to step back and allow them to execute their responsibilities in their way.?

You might realize that you and your partner maintain different standards regarding cleanliness or organization. One reader recommended, ?If differing expectations lead to resentment, consider outsourcing that task instead.?

Continuously Rediscover Each Other as You Grow

Change is a natural aspect of life. One reader articulated, ?Allow each other the space to shift, evolve, and grow. As you do, continuously take the time to rediscover one another.?

Several readers emphasized that encountering new experiences together is vital for mutual growth. ?Seek out fresh adventures as a couple. It?s said that novelty plays a significant role in forming lasting connections, whether it’s trying new restaurants, taking cooking classes, embarking on hiking excursions, or traveling together.?

Consciously Choose Your Marriage Every Day

One reader attributed the success of her 25-year marriage to the conscious choice to remain committed. She stated:

A blend of determination and a commitment to working through challenging times has been instrumental. Attempting to maintain a level of kindness, even superficially, during trying phases is beneficial. It?s important to express when you feel off or need space due to unrelated reasons. Engaging in joyful activities together can also strengthen your bond.

Another reader articulated a similar sentiment, emphasizing that both partners must choose happiness over being right. ?Avoid nitpicking and choose your battles wisely. Both partners have habits that can irritate the other if allowed to fester. Focus on minimizing the behaviors that annoy you while overlooking your partner’s quirks.? She further advised:

Concentrate on the reasons you fell in love and avoid fixating on what frustrates you about each other. The grass truly flourishes where you nurture it. Invest in the positive aspects of your relationship and work to eliminate the negative influences.

I love all of this advice! What are your top recommendations for maintaining a happy marriage, dear readers? If you resonate with this advice, do you have a number one tip to share?

Stock photo via Stencil.