While traditional dishes like dry turkey, boxed stuffing, and whole cranberry sauce may top the list of “Thanksgiving Grievances,” it’s often the comments made during dinner that truly frustrate us. In addition to intrusive questions about family planning or marriage, plus-size individuals frequently face scrutiny over their weight and eating habits during family gatherings. This can lead to the decision to take a to-go bag just to maintain focus on the true essence of the holiday: expressing gratitude.

Sadly, from sarcastic remarks to backhanded compliments and unsolicited health advice, many individuals feel the burden of being the focal point at family events. Whether it’s the “Rich Aunt” dispensing diet tips or the “Drunk Uncle” making off-color jokes, navigating these interactions can be exhausting. It’s common for plus-size guests to feel pressured to limit portions or engage in lengthy walks, driven by the fear of judgment from relatives. This creates an uncomfortable environment, particularly when one is met with questions like “Why are you leaving so soon?” or “What’s wrong?” when, in reality, monitoring food prices should take precedence over scrutinizing someone’s plate.

Unfortunately, many individuals have opted to skip the family antics altogether, choosing instead to enjoy gourmet meals in the comfort of their own homes. However, as proud members of the plus-size community, it’s crucial that we address the poor etiquette displayed toward our fellow full-figured individuals—women and men alike—who may be visiting family for the holidays or meeting their partner’s relatives for the first time!

Annoying Comments at Thanksgiving Dinner That Upset the Plus Size Community

#1 – “Didn’t you eat already?”

At the top of the list of frustrating remarks is the unsolicited tally of how many servings one has taken from the feast that has been enjoyed by everyone. Thanksgiving and Christmas are well-known for being occasions when indulging is expected, often viewed as cheat days that can be balanced out at the gym later. Let’s start normalizing the idea that people should be able to eat, drink, and celebrate without feeling self-conscious about their choices. Life is challenging enough without the added pressure of who had an extra helping of mashed potatoes!

#2 – “You’ve put on some weight since the last time I saw you.”

This comment is one many people have likely encountered since childhood. While remarks about how one has changed since the last meeting may not always stem from malice, making it a point to highlight weight gain can be hurtful. Regardless of age, we never know what personal struggles others might be facing. Weight gain can result from various factors, including mental and physical health challenges, so bringing attention to this issue isn’t constructive. Contrary to popular belief, not every individual classified as “obese” gained weight due to overeating.

#3 – “I feel fat.”

In today’s body-positive culture, using the phrase “I feel fat” can be particularly offensive. This statement can promote anti-fat sentiments, reinforcing the stereotype that larger bodies are inherently inferior or undesirable. It’s important to understand that excessive food consumption isn’t always the reason behind a person’s size. Using alternative phrases, like “I feel full,” could significantly reduce the discomfort this expression creates for plus-size individuals. The same holds true for the trendy “big back” phenomenon that has become prevalent online.

#4 – “That’s a lot of food on your plate.”

Whether meant as a joke or not, comments about the quantity of food on a plus-size person’s plate can be incredibly disheartening. Everyone deserves to enjoy their meal without their choices being scrutinized. If you’ve ever noticed a family member’s partner hesitating to approach the serving table, it might be due to this kind of judgment. Such remarks can be not only embarrassing but also quite frustrating for those in the room.

#5 – “You like them big, don’t you?”

In Black culture, it’s common for at least a couple of uncles at family gatherings to ask this question if their nephew introduces a plus-size partner. Although it may be intended as a lighthearted joke on social media, many women find it dehumanizing and fetishizing. Similar to the notorious “potato salad arms” trend—where a woman’s cooking abilities are judged based on her arm size—this comment can perpetuate harmful stereotypes and should be retired from family gatherings.

Important Reminders for Plus-Size Individuals and Their Loved Ones

• We have the right to occupy space without feeling the need to apologize.
• We do not require reminders of our appearance when we already appreciate ourselves.
• Our body size should not be subjected to anyone’s approval process; what you see is simply who we are.
• Deliberately making fatphobic comments around plus-size individuals is unacceptable.
• No one has the right to monitor another person’s body.
• Providing unsolicited health advice is a violation of personal boundaries.
• We are not obligated to justify why a family member chooses to date us.

Understanding the context and recognizing that certain topics are off-limits can pave the way for healthier conversations that do not make plus-size individuals feel targeted or demeaned.

Additionally, don’t hesitate to share this with your family to help them gain a better perspective!

From your personal experiences, what are some of the most outrageous comments you’ve encountered at Thanksgiving dinner? Share your thoughts in the comments below!